Recently, however, one entire side of my family has been together and in contact everyday for about two weeks. This sounds like an amazing reunion - How lovely it is to be around the ones you love. Except one detail is missing...Why this abrupt rush to rebuild bridges that have long since been burned? Why suddenly latch on to those we haven't connected to in years? Number one answer?
An emergency.
Nothing will bring a family of strangers together faster than the loss of one.
Since my sister was admitted to the hospital on November 14th I've watched different members of my family suffering various stages of grief. My dad is constantly angry; he's broken a good number of things in our home. In my opinion he just wants everything to look as bad as he feels - broken. My other sister feels guilty and blames herself that she didn't do more to help. My mom shows faint signs of depression.
I'm in denial.
While everyone else seems to have gotten past that most damaging first stage, I am unable. Since I didn't see her very often it's as if she hasn't left us. She's just minding her own business as usual. I feel like come Christmas Eve she'll come visit for a bit and celebrate her 37th birthday with us like she would have if the fates had chosen differently. As it is, she is forever frozen a kind, funny, beautiful, thoughtful 36.
Aside from all the grief and pain her surviving family feels as a result of her untimely passing, I believe she is in a better place. She's even better off than the rest of us. While we're still chained to Earth dealing with daily problems and harsh realities, she's in a place where there is no pain and there are never problems. When she passed, I'd like to believe she reunited with all her loved ones long since past. She deserves only the best and I know wherever she is she's receiving it.
She will always live on in our hearts and our minds as a wonderful sister, a loving daughter, and a laugh riot...and now she's an angel. I bet she's making everyone laugh wherever she is - Her smile always lit up everyone's day. Her kindness was her biggest contribution to this Earth. I will love you, remember you, talk of you and miss you until the day I die.
You will always live on in all of our hearts. We love you.
Heather Lynn Slayback
December 24, 1974 - November 21, 2011
A writing-return topic that deserves to be a perfect first subject to talk about. You already know I said all the clichés about my condolences on your loss, to you and your family. You know full well how much support I will give you and your family: an obvious "endless amount". I will say this: you're not in denial though. You know full well what's going on, you're not denying this situation didn't happen, you know full well the importance of this loss is. You are not in denial, just currently numb from your emotions.
ReplyDeleteYou may not feel the emotions, but you are well aware of them. If you didn't, you wouldn't be writing this or showing the importance of Heather. If you went on life going as if the current events haven’t affected you in some ways, then you’ll be in denial. The fact you don't have the feeling of your emotions, currently, is normal. I am the same way in dire situations. I know this exact feeling when I had loved ones pass in various ways in my life. I know that sense all to well. Everyone handles grief differently, you're going through it in a healthy manner and that's fine. You have your family, you have your friends, and you have me [not sure if this is a good thing… .__.] for when you no longer feel numb. There will come a time when all those emotions will finally come out and you’ll feel them. How do I know? Because sometimes it doesn’t hit me for a few weeks, to a few months, in one occasion… a full year. Plus I know you have that Slayback humor to get you past things, such as your sister being “a pain in the ass” 'til the end. Making jokes is also a sign that you have those emotions, you know the benefits humor has during these times.
~ As always and forever your friend, and support <3