Teach Me How to Hide

Someone please tell me how one can come off as happy all the time? I used to know how. I could hide what I was feeling and be happy all the time on the outside. That got broken sometime last year and now I can't get it back. I need it back. I feel like I'm losing the person I love and want to keep and it's because my selfish ass can't figure out a way to be happy for him no matter how much I try and how much I want to.

I feel like I just set myself up to get broken all over again. I'm scared and I don't want to go through that again. Loving people is the shittiest thing human's were given the ability to do. Nothing good comes of it. Not for people like me at least...or so it would seem.

I need to at least be able to fake happy. I need to control what emotions I hide and which I let come to the surface. I need to learn that ability over again. I used to be so good at it. I need to be amazing at it again or I'll lose the person who makes everything better. I'll lose the person that makes me happy for real...

I just can't have that...not again.