Sometimes I Wonder...

How many people genuinely care about me? If I were to get hurt or fall incredibly ill, who would be there worrying about me? Who would care enough to be concerned and check up on me? There are my parents, but those should be a given. As for anyone else, I honestly don't know.

The majority of my friends aren't that close to me, or aren't the type to be compassionate and troubled over injury or illness. I have a select few who would stand by me - Caroline, Michael, Vanessa, Ryan, and Brock to name a few. Other than those, I really don't know how many people care that much about me.

If I were to end up in the hospital, how many people would take the time to visit? If I was unconscious, who would stick around to wait until I woke up? Who cares that much about me? If you do please let me know.

At times, like now, I feel alone somehow. I have many people but I get the feeling like the majority are just fair-weather friends. How am I to know otherwise?

I know few people respect me, especially guys. I make it hard for people to respect me, because I don't take into consideration how closed-minded the general population is. I do what I please, and to those on the outside looking in, it may appear to be "wrong", but to those who actually know me and understand who I am, inside and out, it is nothing deserving of disrespect. Maybe I should stop doing the things I do so more ignorant people will respect me...but then I wouldn't be myself. I could just say "fuck it" and completely disregard everything anybody else thinks of me, but I'm not that kind of person. I wish I was, but I simply can't do that.

Bottom line: if you love me, please let me know. I feel I'm lacking support and respect from those I surround myself with. If you are one of those individuals who cares and worries about me, I'd love to be aware.