Anyways, amongst all of my academic madness, I've made a small amount of time for some old friends I've been catching up with. One of these friends happens to be an ex-boyfriend, and while we were talking, something hit me. Not literally of course, but figuratively speaking it might as well have been an atomic bomb. I was shocked and confused and maybe even a little disappointed in myself.
On a few occasions in my past, one in particular, I've taken a boy and molded him into the perfect man for me. I've been known to chase after these horrible, low-life guys that put me through hell, but something about them intrigues me. If I happen to come across one of these guys, I'll strive to catch their eye. Once I go through all of the trouble to get their attention, I wait around for them and do all that I can until they realize that they want me, too. I'm like a pathetic little puppy dog for the duration of that time. I'd do just about anything for them. Then, when I finally do get them hooked, I spend all kinds of time and effort transforming them into the exact man that I want.
What I don't understand is, once I finally perfect them, I don't want them as much anymore. After that, often times I simply discard them, along with all of my hard work.
Why?
Maybe I'm not looking for the perfect guy. After all, it isn't out of the ordinary for a girl to want a little adventure. Maybe all the work it took for me to get them to perfection simply tired me out. It is not an easy job by any means. Maybe, I just use them for the challenge. That sounds horrible, but life gets bland when everything is handed to you on a silver platter. Working for things can be half the fun when the work is progressive.
What do I want if perfection bores me? For that matter, what IS perfection if "perfection" isn't good enough?
Who knows.
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