Have you ever wondered if a decision you made was really the right one? What would have happened if you picked a different path to go down? Would everything be better? Worse? I've been asking myself that a lot lately. Would I be happier right now if it weren't for that choice, or would I feel trapped? Do I really want him or do I want the idea of us? I have no idea, but by the end of everyday, I find myself pondering on all these same inquiries.
Some days, I am sure I chose correctly. I couldn't be more positive that I don't want to be with anyone right now. Then, other days, it's the exact opposite. I realize I'm alone and nothing will ever compare. But are those just my emotions overriding my thinking, or do I really feel that way? If I were to go back, would I do it again, or would I stay? I can't let go, but I can't seem to get myself to go back. What the fuck do I want?
Everything is just another question that I can't seem to answer.
Where am I going to find another person who will eat the cherry out of my chocolate covered cherries? Who is going to risk their own comfort to put my freezing cold hands on their warm tummy? Who's going to come sit with me when I'm sick and make me food? When I have an extremely good day, is there ever going to be another person I want to tell first more than I want to tell him? What about bad days? Who will comfort me the same? Who else is going to take the time to learn all of my favorite things? Will there be another person that will put up with my bullshit? Who is going to surprise me with their shirts for me to sleep in? Who's going to bring me cereal in the morning? It all boils down to my one biggest fear:
Will anyone ever measure up?
Do I stick around to find out, or do I go back? I don't know if I can go back, but I know if he moves on I'll be lost. What am I supposed to do? I wish I knew...
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