I Simply Can't Understand Myself

I've never understood why I am the way that I am; why I feel the way that I feel. I've also never been able to grasp why my mind formulates things the way that it does. When I get insulted, why is my first instinct to apologize? Why, when I get a compliment, do I automatically deny it? When I get blamed for something, why is my first response one of defense? The questions I ask about myself are endless. I'm starting to believe I know virtually nothing about myself at all.

However, I'm most perplexed by one mannerism in particular: my instinctive need to defend myself whenever I am accused, wrongly or otherwise. Provided, if the accuser is doing so calmly or kindly, I'm fine. Though, if they approach me with hostility, even if I am at fault, I get pissed off. I don't know what causes this or how to stop it.

I also often find myself becoming extremely worked up over anyone who dares patronize me. That has got to be one of my biggest turnoffs/pet peeves. I find anyone who would be so condescending to also be an arrogant son of a bitch. That being said, people are entitled to their opinions, however, they can just as easily keep these opinions to themselves.

I'm not quite sure what my point was for this little rant. Nothing else really got to me or inspired me today aside from this mere annoyance.

However, I'd appreciate it if anyone who felt like confronting me in either a hostile, or condescending manner please reconsider that choice. It's highly unnecessary to speak to me in either of those tones.

I'm hoping tomorrow I'll feel more inspired than agitated.