It's going to seem like all I talk about is the concepts of delusions and being deluded but reality is something that I constantly question. Reality and happiness. Happiness and reality. Are they the same thing? Are they not? Could they ever be? If you force yourself to be happy will it be the reality or will you just be deluding yourself?
Anyone who knows someone who is depressed or just a negative person has heard them get spoon fed the advice to "stay/think/be positive". Anyone who is generally sad or apathetic has been given that advice until they were about ready to ball it all up and throw it out a fucking window - this I know. But what if you follow their guidance and actually strive to be positive. Will you ever really BE positive? Will the positive mental attitude itself be enough to transform your whole personality. Will your outlook on life suddenly be brighter or will you just be faking your way through life? Will your entire outward persona be a lie?
I've been fighting so hard to be a "happy person". I'm doing it for my friends, I'm doing it for my boyfriend, and I'm doing it for me. It's just so hard. I feel like I'm on my way to convincing myself but at the same time I feel as though I'm betraying who I am. Whether the real me is enthusiastic and positive or somber and despairing I want to be true to that person. I can't stand fake people. I strongly believe that people should be proud of who they are and project their true colors. Am I lying when I fight to be happy even though I know I'm not?
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